What a Difference a Day Makes - HIStory Part 1

What a difference a day makes! Or 490 days. Or, literally, a Day. Ever since the words “Alyssa is having a baby” were uttered to us 16 months ago, our lives have completely turned upside down. Throughout these months, I’ve prayed about & felt led to tell of this story filled with grace, forgiveness, & unconditional love amidst shame, fear, & bigotry. I’ve finally relented to obedience & have written about this hectic, wonderful time in our lives that belongs only to God.

Our dear friends brought the life-changing words to us in mid-April of 2015. Our daughter, Alyssa, was a freshman at her college of choice, Truett-McConnell, in Cleveland, GA. We were excited to see how the Lord worked in her life & oh, how He did! It just wasn’t how anyone expected. When Alicia & Kenny told us what was going on with our daughter, I cannot adequately describe in words the emotions that threatened to drown us. There was NO way that our daughter was having a baby, AT THIS MOMENT, & we not have known about it!

Yes, you read those words correctly. Our daughter went through 9-months of pregnancy & we didn’t have a clue. No one did. She did not show & actually lost weight since she started college the August before. Alyssa went to great lengths to keep her pregnancy from the world. I will not tell her story as it is her testimony to give when she feels led.

Before we started the long trek to the hospital, as Bryan was trying to find us a reliable vehicle to get us to our daughter (our car had started to give us trouble), I stayed on the phone with Alyssa (who was in the end stages of labor), then eventually her best friend, Bree, as my daughter gave birth to our first grandchild, a baby girl. As a mother, I cannot tell you how heart-wrenching it is to listen, helplessly, to your baby girl crying out with the throes of labor, & not be there with her. I wasn’t there to hold her hand through her contractions. I wasn’t there to wipe the sweat from her brow as she worked her way through them. I wasn’t there to love on her & tell her it would be alright. I sadly realized that I wasn’t there for any of it. Not her finding out. Not the sonograms to tell us if the baby was a boy or girl. Not the morning sickness, heartburn, swollen feet, or many of the other wonderful pregnancy related rites of passage. I wasn’t there at all.

After Alyssa gave birth, Bree was gracious & took some pictures of our granddaughter for us. The moment I laid eyes on that picture, I was in love, but so terribly heartbroken. My heart ached because I didn’t know where, or if, this beautiful baby girl would fit into our lives. Alyssa had already expressed she was going to give her up for adoption. Once Alyssa was able to talk again, I pled with her to not make any hasty decisions concerning the baby before we got there to talk with her & she agreed she would not. I then asked her if she had held her baby yet. My heart shattered when she cried, “I can’t. I don’t want to love her.” This wasn’t as harsh as words on a computer screen make it seem. This was a cry from a girl who was ashamed & scared. A cry from a new, young mother who obviously already loved her baby. I implored Alyssa to hold her, to give her baby the love she needed right now, regardless if she was going to go home with a new Mommy & Daddy. When Alyssa did hold her new baby girl, more than likely actually looking at her for the first time, she burst into tears, saying, “She’s so beautiful.” Weeping with her, I expressed to Alyssa that we loved her so very much & that we would get through this together.

The 5-hour ride to the hospital in Gainesville, GA was one of the longest, prayer-filled rides of my life. The atmosphere in the truck was so tense, so eerily quiet. Satan worked overtime that night, attacking me at every twist & turn. I was so tormented by thoughts of regrets & pain, they flashed through my mind as quickly as pop-ups on a computer:

“How could I not have known my daughter was pregnant? What kind of mother am I?”

“Why, oh why didn’t I let her come home when she pleaded with us that she didn’t want to be in college anymore? Couldn’t I see? What kind of mother am I?”

“How will I be able to live if she gives this baby up?” How will she be able to live if she doesn’t?”

“How painful & scary must it have been for her to go through this alone? Where was I when she needed me the most? What kind of mother am I?

“Why didn’t she feel she could some to me? What kind of mother am I?”

“What kind of mother am I?”

               I know Bryan had to be experiencing the same regrets & pain as I, but oddly we didn’t speak much. I guess we both had to deal with our demons in our own way. Holding hands as if we were each other’s only lifeline, my husband & I silently pledged to be in this together to the end, whatever that end may be.

Pulling a strength learned from well-worn roads of trials past, I fought the devil during the ride that night. I was determined he was not going to win the battle for my mind & my heart. I prayed prayers of God’s promises, of my identity in Him. I am not a perfect mother, but I have loved my kids more than myself. While we have tried to steer them from unsavory & unfruitful paths, I realized that they are ultimately responsible for the choices, the paths, they take. In hindsight, were there things we should have done differently? Absolutely. But this night, I was not going to give Satan a stronghold in my mind with his accusations.

Respecting our daughter’s wishes, we did not call many people that night. With her permission, we did call our pastor (Fred), our accountability partners (Kevin & Ms. Sherry), & two of my dearest friends (Tasha & Ki). I cannot thank these people enough for the prayers that helped quiet my soul. The words my best friend, Tasha, prayed over me during our phone call will be cherished by me forever. The help that a dear friend, Casey, gave to us by sending two of her friends to the hospital to stay with Alyssa so she didn’t have to be alone will forever be etched into my heart. This outpouring of love, along with our loved ones prayers of supplication, gave me a peace that seems absurd in a situation such as this. This covering of prayers allowed me to think clearly & rationally, even in the face of the enemy. Despite my feelings of hurt & disappointment, I determined I would love on my daughter so she would have no doubt she has a safety net in our home, in our hearts, during this storm. Excruciatingly painful as it was, I resolved to support Alyssa in whatever she decided to do, no matter what. This was HER decision, HER life, & I needed to support her & let her know I loved her regardless.

Arriving at the hospital late close to midnight, it seemed each step towards the front door was weighed down by weariness & the unknown. Finding Alyssa’s room, we stopped & prayed before going in. We prayed for hearts that could show grace to our daughter. We prayed for wisdom to speak the words our daughter needed to hear. We prayed for strength to be able to handle the moment if she decided to give her baby up for adoption. We prayed for love to overflow so we could comfort our scared, ashamed “little girl”.

Walking through the door, I was overwhelmed with the amount of people that were already inside: her best friend & her boyfriend, the two ladies our friend called to sit with our daughter until we got there, all the nurses! So many people were already inside loving on our girl. When I saw Alyssa, my heart ached. She looked so tiny, so pale. And so very afraid. Bryan & I head straight for her & held her as we all three cried, grieving the unspoken between us. This was our baby girl, the one that was almost taken from us twice before she was even born. She was her Daddy’s “punkin’ head” & my princess.

It was only when one of the ladies in the room spoke up did we realize our granddaughter was in the room with us. This woman, this sweet, God-sent woman, held this precious baby out to my husband & asked, “Do you want to meet your granddaughter?” I cannot speak for Bryan or of the emotional ride he took that night as it was his own to forge. I do know he was worried about how we would care for a baby, about how Alyssa would care for a baby. Maybe, he thought, it would be best if Alyssa did put the baby up for adoption. But as my husband held that beautiful baby girl, I knew his heart was hers. I can’t tell you how much deeper in love I fell with my husband watching him hold & nuzzle our granddaughter. There was a tenderness there that I had not seen since our daughter was a baby. That sweet memory will forever be in my heart.

When I finally gathered this precious soul in my arms, she took my breath away. So tiny (5 pounds, 7 ounces) you could hold her in one hand. Her hair was such a deep brown & already had a curl to it. Her eyes, oh, her eyes! So dark & so alert. Only a few hours old, she was taking in the world around her with such curiosity. My heart already loved her with a lifetime of loves! This was definitely going to be a faith-filled path our family would embark upon no matter what Alyssa decided.

After giving our unending thanks to the ones that stood by & with Alyssa until we got there, we settled in to talk. Alyssa was exhausted, mentally & physically, as were we, but this was a talk that didn’t need to be put off. We talked about the benefits of placing the baby for adoption or keeping her to raise. Bryan & I declared our commitment to Alyssa that we would stand by her & help her raise the baby if she chose to keep her. But we also told her we would support her if she felt placing her for adoption was the best decision for her. Chase (our son) who was away at college in Graceville, FL, begged Alyssa to not give her up, vowing his support in helping raise her. After much discussion, many tears, & more prayers, Alyssa decided to keep the baby. She named her Kaylee Nicole & we affectionately call her Bug. Alyssa immediately & effortlessly fell into her role as Mommy. I would never be able to adequately describe what it was like watching her care for & love on Kaylee those first few days, but it was something beautiful.

Alyssa was in the hospital from that Thursday to that Sunday. We eventually called the other pastors in our church to let them know what was going on because we needed all the prayers we could get! My husband & I went from an empty nest to the realization of having one child AND our granddaughter back in the house. And we had NOTHING to bring her home to. No baby bed, no diapers, no formula. Bryan & I didn’t even have a change of clothes, toothbrush, or anything for us while we stayed at the hospital with Alyssa because we left out of town immediately after learning she was in labor.

This is where God’s grace & His church comes in! That Friday, as Bryan & I were shopping for essentials for us, as well as some diapers & other things for when we took Kaylee home, our pastor’s wife (Cindy) called me. Without our having to ask, she was already putting into motion things that would supply our homecoming for months. She was rounding up bassinets, diapers, bottles, anything we would need to bring a baby home. To say we were overwhelmed is a huge understatement! She told us that Fred (our pastor, her husband) was on his way to see us. Our pastor drove 5 hours to pray for Alyssa, Kaylee, & us, as well as to bring us a most generous gift. Again, we were blown away by God’s grace & provision.

While we were in the hospital, the nurses took such good care of our girls. They were so moved by the story of this situation & wanted to shower them much love; and they did! They kept bringing formula & diapers for us to pack away to take home. They brought a huge bag of baby clothes, blankets, & such that women in the community had put together for those in need. At the first hospital Alyssa was taken to in Dahlonega, GA (they didn’t have a labor & delivery, so they had to transport her to Gainesville) a nurse who felt so moved by Alyssa came to visit her & brought things for Kaylee. One of the paramedics that drove her from one hospital to another cried with her during the ride & also came to visit her in the hospital. Our God showed up in SO many ways for our girls. We were constantly moved to tears & giving thanks for all He heaped upon our family during these first couple of days.

After we got home that Sunday & Alyssa made Kaylee’s birth public, God showed out again! My Sunday School class of ladies (which happens to NOT be your Mama’s Sunday School class) vowed to rally around us & they did! Our friends in the church supplied dinner EVERY night for about 2 weeks or so. As they were bringing dinner, they were bringing gifts for baby Kaylee! I placed everything on our kitchen table because I wanted to be reminded of God’s blessings, grace, & forgiveness. Our table was overflowing! We had a bed & changing table supplied, bottles, diapers (we didn’t have to buy diapers for 3 months), bath stuff, & oh my at the clothes! About a month after we were home, my awesome Sunday School class threw Alyssa & Kaylee a shower where even more blessings flowed. My God’s church showed out! My husband’s Sunday School class gave gift cards to Alyssa to use for Kaylee, me & her gift certificates to get our nails done, & a gift card for Bryan to use to take Alyssa & I out to talk about our futures. One of the most touching gifts that was given to Alyssa, just for her, was a women’s study Bible. Our youth pastor & his wife (Christian & Gentry) purchased this & told her that they wanted her to have a Bible that would help her in this new path her life had taken (they knew she had a student study Bible before that.) When we finally went back to church with Kaylee, the outpouring of love & forgiveness was astonishing. We are tremendously blessed to be a part of Northside Baptist Church in Tifton, GA!

All of these blessings, however, did not come without trials. Trials we knew were inevitable. The biggest one was over Kaylee’s ethnicity; she is a biracial baby. Bryan & I do not see any wrong with mixed-race relationships, but not all family members feel the same. This was a huge obstacle for Alyssa to overcome because there were very close family members that did not approve of Kaylee being biracial. This disapproval came with not speaking to Alyssa, nor having anything to do with Kaylee initially. Through many tears, frustrations, & tons of prayers, I am so proud to say that, although some more growth is needed, this obstacle is being overcome. Kaylee has definitely rattled & shaken our family up!

One of the most hurtful trials to Alyssa is with Kaylee’s father. I will not name him in this writing, but he knows who he is. He has not been involved at all, electing to “opt out” of responsibility when Alyssa told him she thought she was pregnant. He did contact Alyssa when she went public with Kaylee’s birth, but he told her nothing had changed with him; he couldn’t be involved. I pray for this young man daily. I get so frustrated because he is missing, has missed, so many precious moments with Kaylee. My biggest prayer is for him to find his salvation through Christ because only when his relationship with the Lord is right will he be a good father to Kaylee. I pray for Alyssa to not let bitterness rise up when she sees him living life with no consequences. And I pray for Kaylee, that one day she will be able to forgive the father that wasn’t there. Maybe one day he will be. For that day, I also pray.

I am so proud of Alyssa for many reasons. I am most proud that she chose life for her baby. Even though she was in her freshman year of college, she still chose life. Even doing this alone, she chose life. In the fall following Kaylee’s birth, Alyssa went back up to Truett-McConnell for a week to meet with her professors to complete the few classes she needed to finish out her freshman year of college (she left with 2 weeks left in the semester & all of her professors had blessed her with incompletes so she would not lose all she had already done.) She got a job working at Chick-fil-A around August of 2015 & has worked at it faithfully to provide diapers & needs for her baby. She took a little over a year off from school to be with Kaylee, but she started back last week at our local college, ABAC, to continue her pursuit of her nursing degree. We are praying for her to finish strong! And I know she will. This experience will make her determined & stronger, & will help her build a solid foundation for her life with Kaylee.

As of right now, Bryan & Chase are the father figures in Kaylee’s life & male support for Alyssa. I pray daily for Alyssa’s future husband & Kaylee’s future father-figure. I pray he is a man of God, one that will lead both of them to the cross every day. I pray, regardless what his ethnicity may be, he will love Kaylee as his own, as will his family. I pray he treats our girls with the love, respect, & devotion they both deserve.

These past 16 months have been so full of laughs, tears, ups & downs. I don’t know what Bryan & I ever did before we had this precious grandchild. We were entering the beginnings of our lives alone, with no children. But now, oh how this little baby, our sweet Bug, has changed our world! I love watching her grow & learn new things. Her smile…I live for her smile! I love watching her “praise the Lord” & listening to her as she learns new words. When she says GiGi, my heart melts & all is right in the world. And those curls! I can’t wait until they fall into a heap of wonderful mess! She loves music & loves to dance! Her infectious smile, as she is wiggling her bottom & swinging her arms while dancing, is so entertaining. If she didn’t already know it, she has her Big Daddy & GiGi wrapped so tight around her finger. I pray for this sweet, loving soul. I pray we can teach her to love the Lord. I pray we can teach her to forgive always & to love others immensely. I pray she realizes how blessed her start in this world was, even amidst the confusion & chaos. I pray she falls so head over heels for her God that anyone will be able to look at her & say, “That’s God’s girl!”

You know, while we were at the hospital, many of the nurses kept telling Bryan & me we were saints, that we should be commended for being so accepting or forgiving. I guess I can understand why they would say that, but on the other hand, it makes me sad that they felt they had to say it. The thought that someone would disown or let their child walk through the storms of life alone, whether just for the storm or for the rest of that child’s life, is so very disheartening to me. God gave me these children to raise, to love, to teach, through the blessings & the trials. Who am I to decide that I want nothing to do with one of them because they disappointed me or made a mistake, regardless of the situation? My Heavenly Father doesn’t shun me or throw me away when I fail & trust me, I fail daily. I will always strive to be forgiving & accepting. That doesn’t mean those times won’t be without hurdles, but I will never turn my children away.

Some may (& do) think we, because we are proud of & support our daughter & are absolutely in love with our granddaughter, that we are glorifying teen & out of wedlock pregnancy. We are not glorifying any sin, but we ARE glorifying something. We are glorifying God’s forgiveness for a young lady who lost her way. We are glorifying a life that was born because that young mother chose life, & not death, for her baby. We are glorifying Jesus’ work on the cross, without which this young mother would have no hope to restore her life. We are glorifying God’s redemptive work in the life of this young mother. We are glorifying because over & over, Scripture implores us to tell of His work in our lives: “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story.” (Psalm 107:1-2a) Your story may be what brings others to Him & their own redemption story.

Please learn from our experience. Be gracious to others; you never know what they are walking through & your interaction with them could be the one that brings them to God or pushes them from Him. Forgive, forgive again, then forgive some more; even the big things. Love unconditionally: love others so much they can’t help but see Christ through you. Above all, know that God, despite our feeble attempts & failures in life, gives us just such grace, forgiveness, & love.

In His love