A Prayer from a Burdened Heart: Creating a Racial Scar

(The following are thoughts & musings by me concerning certain current issues. I want to say from the outset that I do not support violence in any shape or form. I also want to put a disclaimer on how I have worded this post. I have had to use descriptive words for people, or groups of people, that I normally do not use. I apologize in advance if that is offensive to anyone, but I felt it necessary to do so to show differences. That being said, I pray that as you read this post, you gain some understanding & lots of Truth concerning the issues at hand.)

 

My heart has been extremely burdened as of late because of the seemingly endless chaos & divisiveness our nation has within. I’m not talking about the upcoming presidential elections (although our choices are another topic & source of grief altogether.) America has been nursing a massive wound for decades, but ever since the untimely death of Trayvon Martin in 2012, this lesion has grown considerably worse, becoming far more infected than ever. Known by many different names (bigotry, discrimination, prejudice, racism), this rip in the fabric of our county is an affront to all God created us to be. We must care enough to stand up & be willing to be the soothing balm that can bring healing to the pain.

 

I am opting to not speak in depth on the headlines as of late with the police shootings, shootings of police, & the “Black Lives Matter” movement. Although I stand behind the right to protest in civil ways, I do not agree with violence or any criminal activity. However, I am human. My heart grieves for those Mamas who have lost their sons (regardless if that son was/was not a criminal, those Mamas still lost a son & that is tragic.) I pray for the men & women that put themselves on the line daily to make sure our streets are safe (not everyone behind a badge is corrupt or racist.) I know many law enforcement professionals that exemplify dignity & honor, so please don’t lump them together with those you deem as bad apples. I  also have many friends who are black that are not representative of the hostility & crime that people think of when they think of “Black Lives Matter,” so again, don’t lump them in with ones rioting & creating havoc. People are individuals & should be considered as such, taking into account their own actions & personality, not lumped together with a specific group they seem to be a part of. This mentality & rage have cause fear on “both” sides of the fence when it comes to the cases that have gained national attention; fear that is doing nothing but creating more mayhem. I do wish to plead for you (all of you, no matter your race) to open your mind & eyes to understand & see things as someone else does for a few minutes. I’m not attempting to change your mind (although I do pray you can see Truth when it is laid before you.)

There has been so much uproar about the “Black Lives Matter” (BLM) movement. People became offended (because, are you truly American lately if you don’t get offended by something?) & answered with “All Lives Matter” (ALM.) I totally agree one-hundred percent; all lives DO matter. However, creating a “catch-all” with the ALM only covers what our black brothers & sisters are crying out for you to see & acknowledge. Racism DOES exist in our nation today. Discrimination based upon their skin color DOES happen. That’s where the changes need to take place; not attempting to cover its existence up by a “one-size-fits-all” mentality. It does matter & needs to be addressed…soon!

Let me give you a couple of analogies. Kris Straub created this cartoon to illustrate what someone who supports BLM wants you to comprehend.

 

Now, if this cartoon doesn’t help you understand, let me give you another example that I came across on Facebook the other day. Adam Campbell (I cannot seem to find his direct link to give him proper credit as it was shared many times) wrote this status to try to bring understanding to the differences in the two sides.

Hopefully these example help you see that when your friends, co-workers, neighbors support or speak of BLM, it doesn’t mean they do not think that all other lives do not; they are trying to attract attention to an out-of-control issue that needs our responsiveness, not denial that there is a problem.

 

Denying its existence will not make racism go away. Not educating yourself on a side that differs from your own opinion does not mean that the other side doesn’t have a valid point or is not correct in their beliefs; it just makes you uneducated (this is not the same as stupid.) Get educated about the issues that create such concern for our black brothers & sisters. All you need do is to talk to someone of color & walk in his/her shoes for a few minutes to see how real racism is. Let me give you a few instances & examples of racism & discrimination today.

A sweet friend’s mother is biracial, conceived during an affair between her black grandmother & her white grandfather. He is a well-known man in the small town they are from, so of course, this affair, & resulting child, was kept secret, not because he was ashamed of his infidelity, but because his lover (& now his child) was black. He was ashamed of his own flesh & blood because of the color of her skin! He didn’t care about skin color when he was committing adultery with his child’s mother, but oh, what a scandal if the white elitists he associated with knew he had an affair & fathered a child with a black woman! This woman is now 58 & she has never had a relationship with her father. During her childhood, he would send random checks to help financially, but never emotionally invested in her life. All because of the color of her skin!

Although most of this post refers to issues the black community faces every day, racism itself is not discriminatory. It encompasses any race that doesn’t fit the norm (i.e. the white race.) A friend shared this picture of a sign that is posted on a fence surrounding a practice field at a local school (I have opted to alter the image so as to not call attention to school in my post.)

 

 

For those that cannot read Spanish, the sign (more or less) reads, “It is prohibited to play soccer in this field by the authority of the athletic department of [school name].” I completely understand that the school may well be within its right to post a sign prohibiting any activity they so choose on their practice field, but why is there no sign in English to be found? Are only those who speak Spanish (which, obviously, is intended for our Hispanic population) prohibited from playing soccer on the field? What about those Hispanics who don’t speak or read Spanish? Can they still play on the field? What if some white people (&, gasp, even some black people) are already playing soccer on the field? Can our Spanish-speaking population join in, or are they subjected to stand on the sidelines, gazing longingly, wishing upon wishes that they couldn’t read Spanish so they, too, could partake in the jolly fun? Ok, I was obviously getting facetious, but the fact remains this very discriminatory sign does exist TODAY & that fact alone isn’t a laughing matter.

 

Let’s get personal because, let’s face it: it’s all about “me” & if “I” can’t connect the dots to find out how something affects “me”, then it doesn’t matter (just to clarify, those me’s & I’s are collective.) When my granddaughter, Kaylee, was a couple of months old, her Mama (Alyssa) & I were shopping for groceries in our local Publix. Kaylee (for those of you who don’t know, my granddaughter is biracial - black father & white mother) was in her stroller with the shade pulled down half-way because she was napping. As we were rounding the end of an aisle, an older, white man came around from the other side. He got the biggest grin when he noticed the stroller, craning his neck to peek around the shade at the baby inside (because who doesn’t love to look at an adorable baby?) You could see his wide, open-mouthed grin turn into a scowl of disgust when he caught sight of Kaylee, the “black” baby (because, let’s be honest, any biracial child/person who is mixed with black is classified as such, as if any other ethnicity has been erased by the stigma that is being “part-black”.) I was embarrassed for him as he glanced at Alyssa & I, then walked the other way because, come on, she is a BABY, no matter the color of her skin. (Sadly, her skin color was an issue with so many people when she was first born because of the erroneous belief that races should not inter-date & the dislike of the black race.)

I have attempted to bring some humor to some issues that are anything but that. However, this is a very serious issue for our fellow human beings who are black. In my prayers & ponderings about this issue as of late, I reached out to my dear friend, who is black (although she classifies herself as mocha or pecan-tan) desperate to find what she saw as answers to this problem. I wanted to know what her fears were for her, her husband, & her 2 boys (such sweet, beautiful souls!) What she said breaks my heart & I know it is resonated throughout the hearts of many a black wife or Mama. To hear her voice her concerns of someone hurting her husband or children just because of the color of their skin created such a want to gather them all under a protective shield that, let’s face it, I am given because of the color of my skin. We talked about that “unspoken” shield, more commonly known as “White Privilege.” White privilege is not something that every white person does or contributes to, but “is a transparent preference for whiteness that saturates our society...white privilege shapes the world in which we live - the way that we navigate and interact with one another and with the world." While white privilege has been contributed to some recent criminal cases (such as in the rape case of Brock Turner), it's  not always so blatant. White privilege can also be seen in some "hidden" ways.

 

Let me describe a few of those areas that you may not have ever thought about (because, admittedly, I had not.) There was a discussion I participated in the other day that shed light on one particular way, which got me to thinking about other ways this could be depicted. For example, when a white person cuts himself, he grabs a bandage & doesn't worry about it clashing with his skin. Why? Because bandages are created with the flesh-tone of a white person (or at least a peach-toned person.) However, when a black person (or darker skin-toned person) has a cut, they have to bear a bandage that is highly noticeable on their skin. [On a side note, a friend shared a link to this amazing company that makes darker skin-toned bandages! On their Facebook page, you can find other businesses that sell products to match all skin-tones. Let's support these innovative entrepreneurs by purchasing & sharing their awesome products.]

 

On a personal note (you know, because it's all about me), I recalled a time when my son (Chase) was about 4 or so. It was Halloween night & we had just finished trick-or-treating at our local mall when we decided to stop in at McDonalds to grab some dinner. We sat at a table behind a black man & his son. I remember Chase looking at this little boy behind us, who was looking back at my son from behind his Batman mask, & asking me why his hands were a different color from his face (the mask.) I never realized the depth behind that innocent question from a child until now. This little black boy wanted to be his favorite super hero, but didn't have a mask that matched his skin. You may say something along the lines that no black person played Batman, so why have a black mask. That, in itself, is another display of white privilege...Hollywood depicting all the "heroes" as white or costume makers only making costumes from heroes with white skin-tones.

 

In another instance, my husband (Bryan) & I went shopping & were looking for some pajamas for our granddaughter. I was so tickled when I came across some that depicted a little princess that wasn't white, but was "brown" like our girl. The second pair of pajamas has a few different princesses that each had different, darker skin-tones. Until I saw those pajamas, I never thought about the fact that the majority of princesses were white (thankfully, that is being changed lately.) Not having pajamas, clothes, or toys that depict a little girl with similar skin tones is not an issues for Kaylee right now, but to some other little girl with darker skin tone who is old enough to recognize the difference, it could be an issue attempting to find a princess they can relate to.  Not all princesses are white!

 

 

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to give examples & explanations to help you see why the black community is crying out for us to acknowledge their concerns. It’s not because they have a sore spot because “our” ancestors owned “their” ancestors many decades ago; it’s because of issues today. Issues that are very real, every day of their life. This is not a plea for understanding anyone who is breaking the law or committing crimes in the name of racism. This is plea to attempt to understand our co-workers, our church members, our beloved friends who are black. Not all black people are throwing a gas-filled bottle at a police car or are looting a store because they are angry; most are sitting beside us in the pew at church, working with us every day, walking beside us as we all navigate our way through this life.

I would be remiss if I didn’t take the time to petition a little for the “other side” (the white perspective.) Seek to understand, & help change, the engrained mentality that, unfortunately, has been passed down from generation to generation. This is not to ask for to you to excuse those who are blatant in their racism. Keep in mind that understanding does not equal permitting or accepting. It’s taking the time to learn the heart behind the other person & the “why’s” of someone’s actions.

Music moves me & I truly believe it is a powerful aid to healing. I love this song, written & performed by a Christian rapper, Trip Lee: “Coulda Been Me.” My favorite lyrics from the song align with what & why I have been pleading with you. Please take a moment to click on the link above & watch the lyric video.

 

I’ve taken a lot of time to try to illustrate, as best as a white person can, what I feel may be some heart cries from our black neighbors. To try to shed some light on some issues so we, as a country, as people, can begin to heal from the wound that racism creates. The only way we can truly heal, the only One that can heal us, is God. His Word speaks life into this issue, so I wanted to take some time to bring some of that life to you (in the best way that a non-theologian can do.) A wise Sunday School teacher once said, “You can’t expect lost people to act as anything but lost people.” I know that there are some people reading this that may not have received salvation through Christ Jesus; however, God’s Word does not return void & It will accomplish what He desires & achieve the purpose for which He sent It (Isaiah 55:11.)

A word of caution: stop listening to the media! Although a lot of the issues as of late have brought back to light the core problems that need to be resolved, so many things are pushed forth with no regard for the truth. The media has an ulterior motive: to make money based upon the garbage they create. And what creates more money than hot-button issues & deep-seated hurts such as racism. Anything that can be put out to gain more followers, likes, shares, views, etc is fair game. God lists seven things that are detestable to Him (Proverbs 6:16-19) & guess what? Someone who lies & someone who stirs up conflict in the community are two of them! Don’t contribute to the spreading of false reports or hate. Research what you post (by the way, research is more than just reading the article & agreeing with what it says.) Paul urged his brothers & sisters in Christ to steer clear of those who cause divisions & put obstacles in their way that was contrary to their teaching, explaining that such people are only serving their own selfish appetites & not Christ (Romans 16:17-18.) I have seen many Christians share some very hateful & shocking things on social media. Please think about what you are doing or saying while professing to be a Christian; others, especially non-believers, are basing their opinions of Him on your actions as a professing Christian. God’s Word says we are to be quick to listen, slow to speak, & slow to get angry because our anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires in us (James 1:19.) Make sure something is true before you post or speak on it & search your heart for the real reason you are posting (is it just to take a stab or is it something that could promote real change?)

So much of racism is fueled by the thought that one particular race is superior to another. However, God created us ALL in His own image (Genesis 1:26-27) & all races come from Him (Acts 17:26.) He shows no partiality (Romans 2:11) & does not make distinctions of physical or social status (1 Sam 16:7.) If our goal on this earth is to be more like Christ, then why wouldn’t we do the same as He? Our fellow human beings are not any less than (nor you better than) because they have a different skin tone from you. God makes a point to tell us in His Word that to show partiality (i.e. prejudice, favoritism), is to sin (James 2:9.) If you hate someone because of the difference in their color of skin, God says you are walking around in darkness (1 John 2:11.) If you claim to love God, but hate your brother or sister, His Word says you are a liar because you cannot love God, who you haven’t seen, if you can hate your brother or sister, who you have seen (1 John 4:20.) In fact, God’s Word says that hating someone is the same as murder (1 John 3:15.) To hold onto some notion that someone is lesser than because of their skin color & yet, claim to be a Christian does not align Biblically. Jesus Christ came for us ALL (John 3:16) & we will be worshipping with people from every nation, tribe, & tongue when we enter Heaven (Revelation 7:9.)

Now, I want to get personal. Even though our God’s Holy Word is full of Scriptures that expound upon the sin of racism, there will be someone, even a fellow Christian that will discriminate against the color of your skin (white or black.) They may lump you with everyone else that has the same shade of skin that you do. They will say & do hateful & hurtful things (there may even be someone who unintentionally does this.) If you are a Christian, God calls you to forgive. I truly believe this is where our healing begins. We are not told to forgive “except when” or “only this time.” If you expect God to forgive you of your sins, you must forgive your brother (Matthew 6:14-15.) This doesn’t mean “except when this sin affects me this way”, it means ALL transgressions, no matter what. He tells us to forgive always, no matter how many times you are sinned against (Matthew 18:21-22.) How are we to do this? Just as Christ forgave you (Colossians 3:13.)

Forgiving someone is not easy, especially when there are deep hurts, but it’s a command from our Creator. So many times, we are prideful & refuse to do what we must do because we feel that the other person deserves some sort of punishment or you deserve some retribution & you feel forgiving them will let them off the hook. Forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook for their actions. “The decision to forgive an offender is probably the hardest choice we can ever make. Some crimes seem too horrible to forgive. Our instincts tell us to avenge the person who caused us pain, not to release him from the debt he owes us. But as Christians, we can't afford to have unforgiving hearts, for we have been greatly forgiven by God in Christ (Ephesians4:32). Only forgiveness can release us from a life of hatred and bitterness." Forgiving is a journey, sometimes a long one," wrote Lewis B. Smedes in Shame and Grace. "We may need some time before we get to the station of complete healing, but the nice thing is that we are being healed en route. When we genuinely forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover the prisoner we set free was us." Forgiveness releases you from the burden of bitterness, hate, & strife that do nothing but keep this would open & festering. It allows restoration in a person's soul (the forgiven, as well as the forgiver) that leads him to his Maker.

Even though so much chaos & confusion has surrounded us lately, we don’t have to succumb to it. Scripture tells us that hate stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs (Proverbs 10:12.) I believe the most important ingredient in our healing balm must be love; love as Christ loved. The “Golden Rule” is such a familiar philosophy, but did you know that principle is actually Biblical? God’s Word tells us do to others what you would have them do to you (Matthew 7:12.) The Bible also tells us that we should value others above our selves (Philippians 2:3-4) & to love our neighbors as our self (James 2:8.) Why would the Bible tell us to do these things “as our self” or “above our self”? Because we are selfish beings & would do anything to make ourselves happy. However, as much as we love ourselves, we are to love others more than that. Can you imagine what our world would be like if we loved & thought of others as Christ calls us to?! (By the way, our “neighbors” doesn’t just include the person next door to you or people that are like you; it includes everyone.)

Scripture tells us the Pharisees wanted to test Jesus, so they asked Him what the greatest commandment was. He replied to them, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37.) But He didn’t stop there! He added the second greatest commandment, which is love your neighbors as yourself (Matthew 22:39.) Then he makes the statement, “All the Law & the Prophets hang on these two commandments" (Matthew 22:40.) What does He mean, “hang on”? I believe it means that it doesn’t matter what else you do, if you don’t love the Lord with everything you have or you don’t love others more than yourself, nothing else matters. Anything else you do, anything else you attempt, trying to heal this wound will fail. You must love others as He loved, without partiality & without prejudice, because He made us all & died for us all.

Even if you are a non-believer, you still fall under the authority of Scripture as every person was created by Him, for His glory. I pray that you have read the Scriptures notated within here & that the seed that has been planted by them will burst forth with much fruit (as mentioned earlier, His Word promises to never return void (Isaiah 55:11) & I know He will work tremendously through the reading of His Word.) Ask questions of your fellow man. Listen intently with the purposes of understanding, not with a guarded, closed mind. Be slow to anger about stuff you see in the media or from others. Forgive someone who has hurt you. Forgive them when they do it again. And above all, love like there is no tomorrow! We must all do our part to heal this wound. It’s a huge one & will not leave us without a scar. But oh, how I pray for that scar! That sweet scar, although a reminder of past hurt, will mean the pain of racism is behind us & the wound is now closed! Dear God, please heal our wound & grant us our scar!

What a Difference a Day Makes - HIStory Part 1

What a difference a day makes! Or 490 days. Or, literally, a Day. Ever since the words “Alyssa is having a baby” were uttered to us 16 months ago, our lives have completely turned upside down. Throughout these months, I’ve prayed about & felt led to tell of this story filled with grace, forgiveness, & unconditional love amidst shame, fear, & bigotry. I’ve finally relented to obedience & have written about this hectic, wonderful time in our lives that belongs only to God.

Our dear friends brought the life-changing words to us in mid-April of 2015. Our daughter, Alyssa, was a freshman at her college of choice, Truett-McConnell, in Cleveland, GA. We were excited to see how the Lord worked in her life & oh, how He did! It just wasn’t how anyone expected. When Alicia & Kenny told us what was going on with our daughter, I cannot adequately describe in words the emotions that threatened to drown us. There was NO way that our daughter was having a baby, AT THIS MOMENT, & we not have known about it!

Yes, you read those words correctly. Our daughter went through 9-months of pregnancy & we didn’t have a clue. No one did. She did not show & actually lost weight since she started college the August before. Alyssa went to great lengths to keep her pregnancy from the world. I will not tell her story as it is her testimony to give when she feels led.

Before we started the long trek to the hospital, as Bryan was trying to find us a reliable vehicle to get us to our daughter (our car had started to give us trouble), I stayed on the phone with Alyssa (who was in the end stages of labor), then eventually her best friend, Bree, as my daughter gave birth to our first grandchild, a baby girl. As a mother, I cannot tell you how heart-wrenching it is to listen, helplessly, to your baby girl crying out with the throes of labor, & not be there with her. I wasn’t there to hold her hand through her contractions. I wasn’t there to wipe the sweat from her brow as she worked her way through them. I wasn’t there to love on her & tell her it would be alright. I sadly realized that I wasn’t there for any of it. Not her finding out. Not the sonograms to tell us if the baby was a boy or girl. Not the morning sickness, heartburn, swollen feet, or many of the other wonderful pregnancy related rites of passage. I wasn’t there at all.

After Alyssa gave birth, Bree was gracious & took some pictures of our granddaughter for us. The moment I laid eyes on that picture, I was in love, but so terribly heartbroken. My heart ached because I didn’t know where, or if, this beautiful baby girl would fit into our lives. Alyssa had already expressed she was going to give her up for adoption. Once Alyssa was able to talk again, I pled with her to not make any hasty decisions concerning the baby before we got there to talk with her & she agreed she would not. I then asked her if she had held her baby yet. My heart shattered when she cried, “I can’t. I don’t want to love her.” This wasn’t as harsh as words on a computer screen make it seem. This was a cry from a girl who was ashamed & scared. A cry from a new, young mother who obviously already loved her baby. I implored Alyssa to hold her, to give her baby the love she needed right now, regardless if she was going to go home with a new Mommy & Daddy. When Alyssa did hold her new baby girl, more than likely actually looking at her for the first time, she burst into tears, saying, “She’s so beautiful.” Weeping with her, I expressed to Alyssa that we loved her so very much & that we would get through this together.

The 5-hour ride to the hospital in Gainesville, GA was one of the longest, prayer-filled rides of my life. The atmosphere in the truck was so tense, so eerily quiet. Satan worked overtime that night, attacking me at every twist & turn. I was so tormented by thoughts of regrets & pain, they flashed through my mind as quickly as pop-ups on a computer:

“How could I not have known my daughter was pregnant? What kind of mother am I?”

“Why, oh why didn’t I let her come home when she pleaded with us that she didn’t want to be in college anymore? Couldn’t I see? What kind of mother am I?”

“How will I be able to live if she gives this baby up?” How will she be able to live if she doesn’t?”

“How painful & scary must it have been for her to go through this alone? Where was I when she needed me the most? What kind of mother am I?

“Why didn’t she feel she could some to me? What kind of mother am I?”

“What kind of mother am I?”

               I know Bryan had to be experiencing the same regrets & pain as I, but oddly we didn’t speak much. I guess we both had to deal with our demons in our own way. Holding hands as if we were each other’s only lifeline, my husband & I silently pledged to be in this together to the end, whatever that end may be.

Pulling a strength learned from well-worn roads of trials past, I fought the devil during the ride that night. I was determined he was not going to win the battle for my mind & my heart. I prayed prayers of God’s promises, of my identity in Him. I am not a perfect mother, but I have loved my kids more than myself. While we have tried to steer them from unsavory & unfruitful paths, I realized that they are ultimately responsible for the choices, the paths, they take. In hindsight, were there things we should have done differently? Absolutely. But this night, I was not going to give Satan a stronghold in my mind with his accusations.

Respecting our daughter’s wishes, we did not call many people that night. With her permission, we did call our pastor (Fred), our accountability partners (Kevin & Ms. Sherry), & two of my dearest friends (Tasha & Ki). I cannot thank these people enough for the prayers that helped quiet my soul. The words my best friend, Tasha, prayed over me during our phone call will be cherished by me forever. The help that a dear friend, Casey, gave to us by sending two of her friends to the hospital to stay with Alyssa so she didn’t have to be alone will forever be etched into my heart. This outpouring of love, along with our loved ones prayers of supplication, gave me a peace that seems absurd in a situation such as this. This covering of prayers allowed me to think clearly & rationally, even in the face of the enemy. Despite my feelings of hurt & disappointment, I determined I would love on my daughter so she would have no doubt she has a safety net in our home, in our hearts, during this storm. Excruciatingly painful as it was, I resolved to support Alyssa in whatever she decided to do, no matter what. This was HER decision, HER life, & I needed to support her & let her know I loved her regardless.

Arriving at the hospital late close to midnight, it seemed each step towards the front door was weighed down by weariness & the unknown. Finding Alyssa’s room, we stopped & prayed before going in. We prayed for hearts that could show grace to our daughter. We prayed for wisdom to speak the words our daughter needed to hear. We prayed for strength to be able to handle the moment if she decided to give her baby up for adoption. We prayed for love to overflow so we could comfort our scared, ashamed “little girl”.

Walking through the door, I was overwhelmed with the amount of people that were already inside: her best friend & her boyfriend, the two ladies our friend called to sit with our daughter until we got there, all the nurses! So many people were already inside loving on our girl. When I saw Alyssa, my heart ached. She looked so tiny, so pale. And so very afraid. Bryan & I head straight for her & held her as we all three cried, grieving the unspoken between us. This was our baby girl, the one that was almost taken from us twice before she was even born. She was her Daddy’s “punkin’ head” & my princess.

It was only when one of the ladies in the room spoke up did we realize our granddaughter was in the room with us. This woman, this sweet, God-sent woman, held this precious baby out to my husband & asked, “Do you want to meet your granddaughter?” I cannot speak for Bryan or of the emotional ride he took that night as it was his own to forge. I do know he was worried about how we would care for a baby, about how Alyssa would care for a baby. Maybe, he thought, it would be best if Alyssa did put the baby up for adoption. But as my husband held that beautiful baby girl, I knew his heart was hers. I can’t tell you how much deeper in love I fell with my husband watching him hold & nuzzle our granddaughter. There was a tenderness there that I had not seen since our daughter was a baby. That sweet memory will forever be in my heart.

When I finally gathered this precious soul in my arms, she took my breath away. So tiny (5 pounds, 7 ounces) you could hold her in one hand. Her hair was such a deep brown & already had a curl to it. Her eyes, oh, her eyes! So dark & so alert. Only a few hours old, she was taking in the world around her with such curiosity. My heart already loved her with a lifetime of loves! This was definitely going to be a faith-filled path our family would embark upon no matter what Alyssa decided.

After giving our unending thanks to the ones that stood by & with Alyssa until we got there, we settled in to talk. Alyssa was exhausted, mentally & physically, as were we, but this was a talk that didn’t need to be put off. We talked about the benefits of placing the baby for adoption or keeping her to raise. Bryan & I declared our commitment to Alyssa that we would stand by her & help her raise the baby if she chose to keep her. But we also told her we would support her if she felt placing her for adoption was the best decision for her. Chase (our son) who was away at college in Graceville, FL, begged Alyssa to not give her up, vowing his support in helping raise her. After much discussion, many tears, & more prayers, Alyssa decided to keep the baby. She named her Kaylee Nicole & we affectionately call her Bug. Alyssa immediately & effortlessly fell into her role as Mommy. I would never be able to adequately describe what it was like watching her care for & love on Kaylee those first few days, but it was something beautiful.

Alyssa was in the hospital from that Thursday to that Sunday. We eventually called the other pastors in our church to let them know what was going on because we needed all the prayers we could get! My husband & I went from an empty nest to the realization of having one child AND our granddaughter back in the house. And we had NOTHING to bring her home to. No baby bed, no diapers, no formula. Bryan & I didn’t even have a change of clothes, toothbrush, or anything for us while we stayed at the hospital with Alyssa because we left out of town immediately after learning she was in labor.

This is where God’s grace & His church comes in! That Friday, as Bryan & I were shopping for essentials for us, as well as some diapers & other things for when we took Kaylee home, our pastor’s wife (Cindy) called me. Without our having to ask, she was already putting into motion things that would supply our homecoming for months. She was rounding up bassinets, diapers, bottles, anything we would need to bring a baby home. To say we were overwhelmed is a huge understatement! She told us that Fred (our pastor, her husband) was on his way to see us. Our pastor drove 5 hours to pray for Alyssa, Kaylee, & us, as well as to bring us a most generous gift. Again, we were blown away by God’s grace & provision.

While we were in the hospital, the nurses took such good care of our girls. They were so moved by the story of this situation & wanted to shower them much love; and they did! They kept bringing formula & diapers for us to pack away to take home. They brought a huge bag of baby clothes, blankets, & such that women in the community had put together for those in need. At the first hospital Alyssa was taken to in Dahlonega, GA (they didn’t have a labor & delivery, so they had to transport her to Gainesville) a nurse who felt so moved by Alyssa came to visit her & brought things for Kaylee. One of the paramedics that drove her from one hospital to another cried with her during the ride & also came to visit her in the hospital. Our God showed up in SO many ways for our girls. We were constantly moved to tears & giving thanks for all He heaped upon our family during these first couple of days.

After we got home that Sunday & Alyssa made Kaylee’s birth public, God showed out again! My Sunday School class of ladies (which happens to NOT be your Mama’s Sunday School class) vowed to rally around us & they did! Our friends in the church supplied dinner EVERY night for about 2 weeks or so. As they were bringing dinner, they were bringing gifts for baby Kaylee! I placed everything on our kitchen table because I wanted to be reminded of God’s blessings, grace, & forgiveness. Our table was overflowing! We had a bed & changing table supplied, bottles, diapers (we didn’t have to buy diapers for 3 months), bath stuff, & oh my at the clothes! About a month after we were home, my awesome Sunday School class threw Alyssa & Kaylee a shower where even more blessings flowed. My God’s church showed out! My husband’s Sunday School class gave gift cards to Alyssa to use for Kaylee, me & her gift certificates to get our nails done, & a gift card for Bryan to use to take Alyssa & I out to talk about our futures. One of the most touching gifts that was given to Alyssa, just for her, was a women’s study Bible. Our youth pastor & his wife (Christian & Gentry) purchased this & told her that they wanted her to have a Bible that would help her in this new path her life had taken (they knew she had a student study Bible before that.) When we finally went back to church with Kaylee, the outpouring of love & forgiveness was astonishing. We are tremendously blessed to be a part of Northside Baptist Church in Tifton, GA!

All of these blessings, however, did not come without trials. Trials we knew were inevitable. The biggest one was over Kaylee’s ethnicity; she is a biracial baby. Bryan & I do not see any wrong with mixed-race relationships, but not all family members feel the same. This was a huge obstacle for Alyssa to overcome because there were very close family members that did not approve of Kaylee being biracial. This disapproval came with not speaking to Alyssa, nor having anything to do with Kaylee initially. Through many tears, frustrations, & tons of prayers, I am so proud to say that, although some more growth is needed, this obstacle is being overcome. Kaylee has definitely rattled & shaken our family up!

One of the most hurtful trials to Alyssa is with Kaylee’s father. I will not name him in this writing, but he knows who he is. He has not been involved at all, electing to “opt out” of responsibility when Alyssa told him she thought she was pregnant. He did contact Alyssa when she went public with Kaylee’s birth, but he told her nothing had changed with him; he couldn’t be involved. I pray for this young man daily. I get so frustrated because he is missing, has missed, so many precious moments with Kaylee. My biggest prayer is for him to find his salvation through Christ because only when his relationship with the Lord is right will he be a good father to Kaylee. I pray for Alyssa to not let bitterness rise up when she sees him living life with no consequences. And I pray for Kaylee, that one day she will be able to forgive the father that wasn’t there. Maybe one day he will be. For that day, I also pray.

I am so proud of Alyssa for many reasons. I am most proud that she chose life for her baby. Even though she was in her freshman year of college, she still chose life. Even doing this alone, she chose life. In the fall following Kaylee’s birth, Alyssa went back up to Truett-McConnell for a week to meet with her professors to complete the few classes she needed to finish out her freshman year of college (she left with 2 weeks left in the semester & all of her professors had blessed her with incompletes so she would not lose all she had already done.) She got a job working at Chick-fil-A around August of 2015 & has worked at it faithfully to provide diapers & needs for her baby. She took a little over a year off from school to be with Kaylee, but she started back last week at our local college, ABAC, to continue her pursuit of her nursing degree. We are praying for her to finish strong! And I know she will. This experience will make her determined & stronger, & will help her build a solid foundation for her life with Kaylee.

As of right now, Bryan & Chase are the father figures in Kaylee’s life & male support for Alyssa. I pray daily for Alyssa’s future husband & Kaylee’s future father-figure. I pray he is a man of God, one that will lead both of them to the cross every day. I pray, regardless what his ethnicity may be, he will love Kaylee as his own, as will his family. I pray he treats our girls with the love, respect, & devotion they both deserve.

These past 16 months have been so full of laughs, tears, ups & downs. I don’t know what Bryan & I ever did before we had this precious grandchild. We were entering the beginnings of our lives alone, with no children. But now, oh how this little baby, our sweet Bug, has changed our world! I love watching her grow & learn new things. Her smile…I live for her smile! I love watching her “praise the Lord” & listening to her as she learns new words. When she says GiGi, my heart melts & all is right in the world. And those curls! I can’t wait until they fall into a heap of wonderful mess! She loves music & loves to dance! Her infectious smile, as she is wiggling her bottom & swinging her arms while dancing, is so entertaining. If she didn’t already know it, she has her Big Daddy & GiGi wrapped so tight around her finger. I pray for this sweet, loving soul. I pray we can teach her to love the Lord. I pray we can teach her to forgive always & to love others immensely. I pray she realizes how blessed her start in this world was, even amidst the confusion & chaos. I pray she falls so head over heels for her God that anyone will be able to look at her & say, “That’s God’s girl!”

You know, while we were at the hospital, many of the nurses kept telling Bryan & me we were saints, that we should be commended for being so accepting or forgiving. I guess I can understand why they would say that, but on the other hand, it makes me sad that they felt they had to say it. The thought that someone would disown or let their child walk through the storms of life alone, whether just for the storm or for the rest of that child’s life, is so very disheartening to me. God gave me these children to raise, to love, to teach, through the blessings & the trials. Who am I to decide that I want nothing to do with one of them because they disappointed me or made a mistake, regardless of the situation? My Heavenly Father doesn’t shun me or throw me away when I fail & trust me, I fail daily. I will always strive to be forgiving & accepting. That doesn’t mean those times won’t be without hurdles, but I will never turn my children away.

Some may (& do) think we, because we are proud of & support our daughter & are absolutely in love with our granddaughter, that we are glorifying teen & out of wedlock pregnancy. We are not glorifying any sin, but we ARE glorifying something. We are glorifying God’s forgiveness for a young lady who lost her way. We are glorifying a life that was born because that young mother chose life, & not death, for her baby. We are glorifying Jesus’ work on the cross, without which this young mother would have no hope to restore her life. We are glorifying God’s redemptive work in the life of this young mother. We are glorifying because over & over, Scripture implores us to tell of His work in our lives: “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story.” (Psalm 107:1-2a) Your story may be what brings others to Him & their own redemption story.

Please learn from our experience. Be gracious to others; you never know what they are walking through & your interaction with them could be the one that brings them to God or pushes them from Him. Forgive, forgive again, then forgive some more; even the big things. Love unconditionally: love others so much they can’t help but see Christ through you. Above all, know that God, despite our feeble attempts & failures in life, gives us just such grace, forgiveness, & love.

In His love